The Problem With Porn

I’ve previously written about the downsides of porn as well as the benefits from abstaining. There is a growing body of knowledge suggesting the negative consequences of frequent porn use, but it’s easy to rationalize away. “One time never killed anyone,” you may say. True, you aren’t going to die tomorrow if you watch porn. However, you might live life a little less fully.

Porn and Social Anxiety

There is at least some indication that internet porn use and social anxiety are connected. That’s not to say that anyone who watches porn will develop social anxiety, nor is it to say that abstaining will turn you into a charismatic cad. As someone who has used pornography and suffered from social anxiety, I began thinking about the possible connections between the two.

Arguably, it’s a chicken and egg situation: does heavy porn use cause social anxiety, or are those who suffer from social anxiety just more likely to use porn heavily? I think there may be a bit of a feedback loop; one begets more of the other. However, my personal theory is that porn is the initial cause.

Again, that’s not to say every case of social anxiety is caused by porn. I’m referring to cases where one has been a devoted fapstronaut for years and has concurrently witnessed a degradation of social skills. I think porn is the initial cause. It should follow, then, that cutting out porn will alleviate your symptoms. I believe that I’ve noted elsewhere on the blog that, prior to using porn, I was a normal teenager (and in fact quite popular). When I began choking the chicken increasingly often, I became much more of a loner. This peaked during my freshman year of college; instead of getting drunk and having sex with cute girls like a normal person, I would sit in my room alone, staring into my computer screen all night.

The Problem With Porn

I’m not a scientist (obviously). There are a number of theories as to why porn wrecks your social skills. Maybe it’s a physiological thing: you’re constantly depleting your body of vital nutrients. Maybe there’s some spiritual factors at play (i.e., you feel “shame” for being a “pervert). Perhaps there are subconscious considerations: maybe your mind knows that you are a phony–that you aren’t fucking real women, and so shyness comes bubbling out as a result.

In all honesty, I think all of those things play a role. I think the biggest problem with pornography, however, is that it creates unnatural expectations in the mind, ultimately causing men to fail to take action.

Have you ever noticed that in 99% of porn movies, the chick is coming on to the guy? At the very least, she shows up on her own accord and gets naked without any (or at least without much) prompting. Sorry, guys, but that’s not how it works in real life.

If you spend an hour a day watching porn, that’s 365 hours in a year. That’s 3650 hours over a ten year period. If you discover porn at age 13, by age 23, you have nearly 4000 hours of brainwashing that tells you all you that all you have to do is go hang out with your buddy and his hot mom will come on to you.

Wrong.

Despite what feminists would have us think, men and women are innately different. Men are the deciders, the action-takers. My biggest beef with porn is that it makes you shy away from taking action. After all, shouldn’t the waitress just willingly offer you her number? After all, that’s what happened in the porno!

In all likelihood, the cute girl at the beach is not going to cold approach you and offer to take you back to her hotel so you can fuck her in the ass. Instead, you have to take action. You must initiate the conversation. You must put your ego on the line and make the first move. This is the problem with porn: if you watch enough of it, you forget those aforementioned “duh” truths. Instead, you sit around waiting for life to happen, and when it inevitably doesn’t, you feel intense anxiety. “None of these girls are hitting on me . . . I must be ugly/lame/whatever!”

 The Solution

I have tried a million different methods of curing social anxiety. I meditate for 20 minutes a day, every day. I’ve gone through a couple bottles of N-A-C and L-Theanine. They help, but none of them are the magic bullet I’m looking for. I have had the best luck with NoFap. As I’ve written before, I have yet to make it a full 90 days on the NoFap bandwagon. I have made it into the 40s a couple of times, and it’s a magical place to be. Brain fog melts away, energy levels skyrocket, and melancholy thoughts fade into the background. Most importantly, I don’t feel so fucking out of place. Talking to people becomes effortless, and I develop a certain amount of personal magnetism that at present seems completely foreign to me.

I’m participating in NoNothingNovember, and I plan on chronicling my adventures here.

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